08/07/08 - Fractional-Reserve Banking at its Finest
by The Mogambo Guru "TFC is what gets created with the literal push of a button at the Fed, and then deposited into the banks (or into the Fed itself!) and then turned into actual money when someone borrows this just-created-out-of-thin-air credit..." 08/06/08 - Monetary Joyride
by The Mogambo Guru "I explained that, yes, I had my foot on the accelerator, but the car went fast all by itself! In fact, the more I stepped on the accelerator, the faster the car went! It’s obviously one of the mysteries of the universe!" 08/05/08 - Nowhere to Hide from Inflation
by The Mogambo Guru "Well, as far as I can tell, diving back into my dark little cubbyhole in renewed fear, the economy is already in shambles because of inflation in consumer prices, and my marriage, my life and my career are in shambles because everybody hates me and is out to get me, and that is why I seem to be broke all the damned time." 08/04/08 - The Half and Half in Your Economic Coffee
by The Mogambo Guru "And given that banks, when selling foreclosed houses, actually net about half the price of the mortgage, that means to me that houses are, by extension, overpriced by half, and as such will surely not be rising in price for a long, long time to come." 08/01/08 - Betrayed by the Village Idiot
by The Mogambo Guru "I say that the lesson to be learned here is that we have been betrayed by Congress, again and again, as it screws up everything it touches, which is what government routinely does, which is why it is obvious that the Constitution never meant for them to be doing this." 07/31/08 - Inflationary Horror Movie
by The Mogambo Guru "But real inflation...is roaring far above a measly 5%, and while ‘annual CPI-U Surges to 5.0%’, as per the headlines, inflation measured the older, pre-Clinton way is 12.6% in June! Which is up from 11.8% in May! Yow yow yow! We’re freaking doomed!" 07/30/08 - Too Little, Too Late to Stop Creating Money
by The Mogambo Guru "So why am I so disconsolate that the Fed is not increasing money and credit, and so is not increasing the money supply and so is not increasing inflation in consumer prices? Shouldn’t I be happy?...No, because it is too late to stop now!" 07/29/08 - How to Be Naked With Shorts On
by The Mogambo Guru "The problem in ‘going short’ is obvious, as you are thinking, ‘How do you sell something that you don’t own? Is this another of your Sleazy Mogambo Tricks (SMT) to take my money...’" 07/28/08 - Confessions of a Silver Optimist
by The Mogambo Guru "The historical high for silver was set 531 years ago...at a princely $806 an ounce. By comparison, the price of silver less than $19 an ounce today, and was only about $5 an ounce in 1998, after having bottomed at under $4 an ounce in 1992." 07/25/08 - Experience in Catastrophe
by The Mogambo Guru "One of the things that he finds worrisome is that ‘things may even be worse than I first thought’, which probably shows why he was not selected to be the Republican presidential nominee; he is inexperienced in catastrophe." 07/24/08 - Mr. Foreign Investor's Neighborhood
by The Mogambo Guru "Perhaps the reason that Treasury Secretary Paulson wants to bail out Government Sponsored Entities (GSEs) like Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac is because of who owns the shares of the companies, which will go to zero if Fannie and Freddie are allowed to fail like they deserve to do." 07/23/08 - The Problem Solving Paulson Package
by The Mogambo Guru "The Paulson Package solves all of our problems! It merely requires you to give me permission to use either unlimited company funds to spend at my total secret discretion, or give me immunity to use a bazooka or baseball bat to whack our enemies..." 07/22/08 - Economy Forces Strippers to Jockey for Pole Position
by The Mogambo Guru "An adult-club owner named Joe Redner says that although business is down 25%, ‘the economy does have one upside for the business – it’s bringing out more women willing to give pole dancing a try.’ Hahaha!" 07/21/08 - The Power of the Chinese Credit Card
by The Mogambo Guru "Note the clever way that I used three exclamation points to emphasize the fact that 1.58 billion cards in the hands of Chinese shoppers is a lot, and is equal to 5 cards for every man, woman and child in America! That’s buying power!" 07/18/08 - Inflation Induced Fainting Spells
by The Mogambo Guru "My head is swimming and I feel a swoon coming on at the idea of 38% inflation, and I would have fainted, too, if I hadn’t remembered what happened the LAST time I had a fainting spell because of inflation in consumer prices..." 07/17/08 - The Voyages of the Debt-Addled Enterprise
by The Mogambo Guru "Yet, against this staggering load of incestuous liabilities, and liabilities masquerading as assets that totals a third of the annual GDP output of the whole freaking country, these two greedy, corrupt, filthy pieces of debt-addled Government Sponsored Enterprise crap have only a paltry $80 billion in capital! Hahahaha!" 07/16/08 - A Poor Job of Stamping Out Food Price Inflation
by The Mogambo Guru "Currency in Circulation, which is actual cash money created out of real paper and ink or various metals, rose over $6.3 billion last week alone! $6 billion bucks! In one week! That’s almost $20 for every man, woman and child in America! In one week!" 07/15/08 - Highway to the Fiscal Danger Zone
by The Mogambo Guru "Yesterday, when inflation in the money supply raised the prices of stocks and the prices of bonds and the prices of houses and the prices of monumental government spending (including the money for programs like his), that was not a ‘danger zone’ either." 07/14/08 - A Better Use for Your 401(k)
by The Mogambo Guru "The advice to never touch your 401(k) is not so cut-and-dried, and it could easily be that immediately taking all that money out of the retirement plan would be the optimal move..." 07/11/08 - New Car Smells Like Long-Term Investing
by The Mogambo Guru "Your gain on the $7,200 is just enough for you to have, after 28 years, an after-tax price of a new car ($26,950), which means that you just break even! Hahaha! In essence, you invested a new car to get a new car, after waiting 28 years! Hahaha!" 07/10/08 - Government Sanctioned Ponzi Schemes
by The Mogambo Guru "The Implacable Screaming Mogambo (ISM) goes freaking berserk at the economic insanity of it all as he watches, horrified, as asset prices get bid higher and higher in a boiling frenzy of speculation with all of this new Federal Reserve money and credit, and which will end badly when the Ponzi game falls apart..." 07/09/08 - To Hell in a Currency Basket
by The Mogambo Guru "Some morons suggest that they should peg their currencies against a basket of other currencies! Hahaha! I may be drunk out of my Freaking Mogambo Mind (FMM) on some really cheap hooch, but even so, I am sure that this is a Particularly Bad Idea (PBI), as those other countries are pegging their currencies to the dollar, too!" 07/08/08 - Sleeping Through a Catastrophic Economy
by The Mogambo Guru "I told you to buy gold... But did you? No! You called the police and had them come over here to make me shut up just because it was 2:00 AM and you wanted to sleep like a stupid little baby through the catastrophe that IS the damned economy!" 07/07/08 - A World Without Inflation
by The Mogambo Guru "‘If the inflation introduced in the United States is excluded, a small miracle is revealed, namely something approaching price stability.’ Hahahaha! Let me get this straight: If you take out inflation from the rise in prices, then prices did not rise?" 07/04/08 - The Biggest Loser of Purchasing Power
by The Mogambo Guru "You will lose more in purchasing power (as central bank monetary inflation destroys the currency by printing enough to finance the higher stock prices) than you will ever net in gains..." 07/03/08 - Banks are Suffering from their Own Stupidity
by The Mogambo Guru "What makes this $691 billion loss so special is that ‘such losses could jeopardize balance sheets because the US banking system had only $US 1,350 billion of equity capital’. Hahaha! They’ve lost two-thirds of the banks capital! Hahaha! Morons!" 07/02/08 - Vaguely Resembling Real Price Inflation
by The Mogambo Guru "Mr. Samuelson is also admitting that he is completely ignorant of John Williams and his shadowstats.com, where inflation is calculated the way it was actually measured in 1974, and which shows that price inflation is now HIGHER than it was in 1974..." 07/01/08 - More Bats and a Bigger Budget
by The Mogambo Guru "Looking furtively about with my beady, rat-like eyes to a route of escape, I was nevertheless frozen to the spot when he said, ‘Our nation has come to expect the Federal Reserve to step in to avert events that pose unacceptable systemic risk.’" 06/30/08 - Funding the Bacchanalian Excess
by The Mogambo Guru "The bad news is that today’s feasters, gorging themselves at the government trough, are not going to commit suicide. They are going to riot, and elect politicians to continue the feast, regardless of the cost." 06/27/08 - Gold Bats a Thousand on Softball Questions
by The Mogambo Guru "And since we are talking soft, fluffy, slow-pitch questions, I’ll ask one: What monetary policy is the best and most stringent? Easy one: The gold standard!" 06/26/08 - Love/Hate Inflationship
by The Mogambo Guru "We love inflation and we hate inflation! So, it’s a love/hate relationship! The most confusing kind! No wonder my head is spinning all the time!" 06/25/08 - Using Modern Economics to Scare Children
by The Mogambo Guru "And don’t get me started on how increases in Social Security payments have lagged increases in prices for years and years, because I hear plenty of that from people who depend on Social Security checks." 06/24/08 - Economic Egomaniacs
by The Mogambo Guru "Now, total government taxation consumes half of all incomes, all of which goes around and around until my head is spinning and I wonder how it is possible that any country with as many schools, colleges and universities as we have can be so freakishly, perversely, brain-dead as to believe that such idiocy was even freaking possible?" 06/23/08 - Inflation in Spades
by The Mogambo Guru "This terrifying news of rising inflation and rising bond yields had the curious effect of producing a sort of fight-or-flight reaction in the Mighty Manly Mogambo (MMM), in that I start involuntarily crying like a baby..." 06/20/08 - Asking Too Much of a Fiat Currency
by The Mogambo Guru "Trying to preserve buying power with advanced purchases of oil! Sort of like buying gold and silver, but messier. Stick with silver and gold. You’ll be glad you did, as your motives are the same as everybody else’s..." 06/19/08 - Nothing to Be Done
by The Mogambo Guru "Perhaps the fact that nothing can be done explains their inaction, because if something could be done, somebody would have thought of it in the last 3,000 years of idiotic governments destroying themselves with creating too much money and credit." 06/18/08 - Raising the Roof on the Debt Ceiling
by The Mogambo Guru "The debt ceiling was raised less than a year ago from $8.965 trillion, which means that the despicable Congress (except Ron Paul) authorized themselves to spend about $500 billion..." 06/17/08 - Many Thanks to the Damn Greedy Banks
by The Mogambo Guru "I am so scared and paranoid at the economic horror that is looming in our future that I have been drinking heavily and consuming various medications in various quantities just so I can stop screaming...in horror about inflation in prices..." 06/16/08 - Silver Saves Investors Big and Small
by The Mogambo Guru "And why is everybody, big and small investors alike, suddenly buying all of this silver? Could it be because silver...has always (for the last 4,000 years in a row, anyway) gone up in price when the value of the money went down? Hahaha! You bet it is!" 06/13/08 - A Phantom Increase in Income
by The Mogambo Guru "If you are like me, you are suddenly realizing that your income did not go up by 0.2%, or any percent, because if it did, it seems like you would have remembered it. And anyway, if my income DID go up, then where in the hell is all of this money?" 06/12/08 - Investing Made Simple
by The Mogambo Guru "Suddenly I think, ‘Ahhh! I see! Demand is more than supply, meaning price will go up until demand equals supply!’, at which point I think, ‘Whee! Investing is easy when you know to avoid stocks and bonds and buy gold, silver and oil...’" 06/11/08 - Jabba the Gold
by The Mogambo Guru "To get a hot chick to say, ‘Take me and ravish me, you Hot Mogambo Stud (HMS)!’, you can’t use force like old Jabba there. And that means willful cooperation, and that means you are going to need some serious, serious money." 06/10/08 - Crude Up and Kills Created Money
by The Mogambo Guru "This is the Big, Big Reason (BBR) that I am now looking for a cushy job as an oil company CEO, because I would make a lot of money for doing practically nothing and apparently knowing even less. It’s perfect for me!" 06/09/08 - The Declining Quality of Dollar Menus
by The Mogambo Guru "To show you how things really work in the real world, Mr. Pento says that nobody is sacrificing profits, as ‘In the case of McDonald’s, it may be necessary to reduce the quantity or quality of items on the dollar menu in order to maintain the price.’" 06/06/08 - Economic Lessons from Alexander Pope
by The Mogambo Guru "Luckily, I had been transferring lots of money from the operating account at the bank into cash in the office safe in case of some kind of emergency. And sure enough, here’s an emergency! Who says I don’t know how to plan ahead? Hahaha!" 06/05/08 - How to Remain Calm During a Price Explosion
by The Mogambo Guru "I’m barricaded in my house; there are a zillion ‘Trespassers will be shot!’ signs all over the yard; and I am buying gold and silver with every dime I can steal from my wife’s purse or the kids’ piggy banks." 06/04/08 - Sounding the Government Debt Alarm
by The Mogambo Guru "But that was not the only thing that was causing mayhem with the Mogambo Economic Alarm System (MEAS), as the Federal Reserve itself sold off another $11 billion of its government debt last week! Yikes!" 06/03/08 - Howling at the Moon
by The Mogambo Guru "You invested $100 in 2002 buying power to get back, after five years, $76 in 2002 buying power! Hahaha! Your ‘fabulous’ investment made a paper gain, but produced a real, inflation-adjusted loss of 25% of your money! Hahaha!" 06/02/08 - A Paralyzing Rise in Money Supply
by The Mogambo Guru "Apparently, he mistook the look of sheer, paralyzing horror on my face at this revelation of such a massive expansion of the money supply (because it will lead directly to inflation in consumer prices), to be mere confusion on my part." 05/30/08 - A Worrisome Economic Understatement
by The Mogambo Guru "Monetary policy is so loose that real interest rates (the nominal interest rate less the rate of inflation) are less than zero, and they think it is ‘worrying’? Hahahaha! Talk about British reserve and understatement! Hahahaha! Wow!" 05/29/08 - The Dollar Aligned Dollar
by The Mogambo Guru "And in case you want to know if the dollar is aligned with the dollar, then – Hahaha! – yes, the dollar is most certainly aligned with the dollar, and therefore, as the Economist magazine says, we well see ‘the biggest price rises.’" 05/28/08 - Fiat Ruination
by The Mogambo Guru "As the solid foundation of your True Mogambo Enlightenment (TME), you have the fact that not once in the 4,000-year history of man and money has this ‘fiat money’ crap NOT led to total ruination. Not once. Not even close." 05/27/08 - All Sell and No Buy
by The Mogambo Guru "I can see by the look of horror on your face that you have heard enough today. We’ll take it up again tomorrow, or whenever I sober up after hearing this Awful, Awful News (AAN) myself. Brrr! The blood runs cold!" 05/26/08 - Inflationary Tortillas
by The Mogambo Guru "Consumers are suffering because the stupid European governments boosted spending for a decade or more, the money financed by debt, and it is all of this spending that has made the purchasing power of the euro to fall." 05/23/08 - Screwed Out of Buying Power
by The Mogambo Guru "But maybe bondholders are so used to being screwed out of buying power that they don’t even notice anymore. Or they are all taking drugs and don’t realize that they are being screwed out of buying power." 05/22/08 - Applauding the Ridiculous
by The Mogambo Guru "‘For 25 years, the Fed has kept inflation at an average of 3.2 per cent a year – that should be applauded’! Hahaha! You will go a Long, Long Time (LLT) long time before you hear something so ridiculous! Hahahaha! Applauded! Hahahaha!" 05/21/08 - Banking on Incompetence and Theft
by The Mogambo Guru "I will point out that you can make an argument that the corporate motto of ‘No refunds for any reason, including incompetence and theft!’ is not even original, as that is the whole attitude of the banks in general and the Federal Reserve in particular: incompetence and theft!" 05/20/08 - Relishing a Golden Experience
by The Mogambo Guru "Soon everything you love will be gone, and then you will appreciate the wry humor of the expression ‘Experience is what you have left when everything else is gone.’ Hahahaha!" 05/19/08 - 'Oil Bust' Headline Makes a Good Punch Line
by The Mogambo Guru "Perhaps part of the humor is that this comes at the same time as the price of gasoline went up 3 cents to another record high of an average of $3.70 a gallon. This is up 22% from this time last year! 22 percent! 22! Hahahaha!" 05/16/08 - The Earthling Economics Experiment
by The Mogambo Guru "Why don’t they do what they know they should, especially since the freaking Constitution of the United States of America requires that money be only of only silver and gold, so that a fiat currency would be impossible?" 05/15/08 - The Economic Sky Has Fallen
by The Mogambo Guru "I naturally jump to the conclusion that this is the worst inflation in U.S. history, and that it is time to seal myself into the Impregnable Mogambo Bunker (IMB) and shoot at anything that moves because the economic sky has fallen..." 05/14/08 - A Shrinking Trade Deficit is Still a Deficit
by The Mogambo Guru "So the total swing from a monthly surplus of $63 to a deficit of $58 billion has been a staggering $121 billion! You can probably tell by the way my eyes spin comically in my head that this is a Big Freaking Change, and it scares the hell out of me." 05/13/08 - Chicken Feed on Increased Food Prices
by The Mogambo Guru "And regardless of how many ‘nightmares’ anybody’s lawyer says his client has had as a result of an alleged ‘hostile work environment’, the real nightmare is knowing that inflation in prices generally follows inflation in the money supply." 05/12/08 - Government Approves 'Unemployed' as Job Description
by The Mogambo Guru "Maybe this ‘recession’ thing is why the Labor Department reported that the U.S. lost another 20,000 jobs in April. In fact, the economy has shed 260,000 jobs since New Year’s Day!" 05/09/08 - Stranger than Fictional Balance Sheets
by The Mogambo Guru "I am curious as to what ‘lowering assumptions’ means to these S&P people, as I have recently been told by my family that they have ‘lowered’ their assumptions again, too, and that they now collectively assume that I have hit bottom..." 05/08/08 - The REAL Reason Everything Costs So Much
by The Mogambo Guru "So where is that other $49 billion, if they borrowed it but did not add it to reserves? Who the hell knows? Gaaahh! My head is spinning! I cannot even understand this new corrupt crap anymore!" 05/07/08 - A Fear of Falling Fed Credit
by The Mogambo Guru "As I was contemplating how my blood got suddenly colder, I was taking a long pull from a bottle of really cheap tequila to try and calm my ragged nerves about this lack of additional TFC thing." 05/06/08 - Higher Prices for Smaller Portions
by The Mogambo Guru "The result is that the price of packaged food is going up by more than the rise in the underlying commodities would suggest, which (according to government statistics) is at least 20% in the last year, and often much, much more." 05/05/08 - The Magic of 'Product Substitution'
by The Mogambo Guru "It is this last fraud that has been used to such success by Mogambo Inter-Planetary Industries (MIPI), by which we commit an as-yet legalized extortion by utilizing the word ‘improved’." 05/02/08 - Gold Price Suppression Scheme
by The Mogambo Guru "And as to the notion that the Fed has sold half of our nation’s gold, I think that is being generous as hell, as I see no reason why the Fed would stop at only half..." 05/01/08 - The Velocity of Floral Inflation
by The Mogambo Guru "But after all of this, you suddenly realize that the money that was taxed away comes roaring back into the economy as government spending, making a mockery of the whole thing, and then there is inflation to consider..." 04/30/08 - Trainee Makes Bank Bosses Look Stupid
by The Mogambo Guru "You can see how I am despondent and angry that I am the one who is wearing a stupid nametag that says ‘Trainee’ and getting hot grease spattered all over me, while they make the big money by being so freaking wrong!" 04/29/08 - At the Center of a Snowball of Debt
by The Mogambo Guru "Total debt everywhere, like Old Man River, just keeps rolling along, like a snowball rolling downhill, getting bigger and bigger, which is such a strange mix of metaphors that I realize that I am completely confused and frightened." 04/28/08 - Fried in the Financial Sun
by The Mogambo Guru "By how much is the Libor lending rate understated? Maybe as much as 0.3%, which doesn’t sound like that much, but when you are talking about trillions and trillions of pounds and euros of debt, it adds up to a lot of money!" 04/25/08 - Shocking the Food Right Out of Your Mouth
by The Mogambo Guru "This is the basis of the new Mogambo Diet Plan (MDP), and you can see how that kind of ‘kiss your own nasty butt goodbye because you are going to die’ news, delivered in a constant, shrill, high-decibel voice would make you lose weight!" 04/24/08 - Funding the Food Price Fiasco
by The Mogambo Guru "The IMF, glorying as ever in its failures, just like the Federal Reserve, now promotes the laughable idea to ‘tackle’ rising food prices by having donor economies give other people money to pay higher food prices! Hahaha!" 04/23/08 - Magical Money from Thin Air
by The Mogambo Guru "This TFC-not-expanding thing is Bad, Bad News (BBN) because this is the stuff that the Federal Reserve creates at their whim, which causes credit to appear on the books of the banks, which turns into money when someone takes out a loan at a bank." 04/22/08 - 8 Million Golden Reasons
by The Mogambo Guru "A lot of people have a lot of theories as to why gold is going down, when the theory and the entire history of economic mankind say it should be going up, and most of them are right, to one degree or another, as there are as many reasons for acting as there are actors, and there are eight million stories in the naked city." 04/21/08 - Disproportionate Derivatives
by The Mogambo Guru "The total value of the existing global gargantuan globular glut of derivatives is estimated to be more than $700 trillion! Compare this stupefying fact to the associated fact that global GDP is only about a lousy $50 trillion!" 04/18/08 - Inflation of the Third Kind
by The Mogambo Guru "My God! This is all inflation news that is beyond terrible, but it seems so much less than that after the 73% rate of crude goods! But the reality is that we’re freaking doomed, whether it seems like it or not!" 04/17/08 - Heart Attacks and Tax Codes
by The Mogambo Guru "Already beset by demons of my deteriorating mental and cardiac capacity, the idea that the capital gains tax was already 5% and I hadn’t even noticed had me in a panic! What else wasn’t I aware of? I shuddered to think!" 04/16/08 - The Monetarist School of Economic Assassins
by The Mogambo Guru "On a stand-still basis for foreign exporters, we would have to pay prices that are 20% higher for our imports, just for them to break even when converting dollars back into their native currencies! Hahaha! We pay more for things! Welcome to the hell of a falling currency!" 04/15/08 - Melting a Grammy for the Gold
by The Mogambo Guru "I hope you have a good grip on your hat because it is going to fly up off of your freaking head when I tell you that right now the S&P500 is sporting a P/E of 21, and the freaking Dow is so overly-valued that it is selling at a P/E of 53!" 04/14/08 - Cursing the Loss of Purchasing Power
by The Mogambo Guru "This amazing phenomenon proves either that the government’s Plunge Protection Team exists and is massively operating to intervene in the markets, or that people are truly idiots. Or maybe delightful little fairies guard our dreams and protect us in life!" 04/11/08 - Government Spending Burns the Toast
by The Mogambo Guru "This same bankrupt America is getting ready to send out $160 billion in ‘economic stimulus’ checks, where the government is literally giving people free money even though the government is borrowing like crazy just to keep afloat, which means that we that are truly, truly toast." 04/10/08 - Not-So-Quiet Food Riots
by The Mogambo Guru "And worse yet for us alcohol-besotted worthless lushes out here, heroically keeping bartenders and comely barmaids gainfully employed year around, the price of hops, an integral ingredient in beer making, has soared from $4 a pound to $40." 04/09/08 - Perched on an Economic Fault Line
by The Mogambo Guru "If Saudi Arabia and the other Gulf states end up cutting their ties to the dollar, secure in the knowledge their petro-economies would emerge stronger from the upheaval, the process might well have begun in the summer of last year — when Dick Cheney tried to line up Arab support for an attack on Iran." 04/08/08 - Trillions Embarrass a Billion-Dollar Bulwark
by The Mogambo Guru "Half of the Fed’s stash of government debt has been used up already! Yikes! And how big is the entire rest of the Fed’s stash of government securities? A piddly $629 billion! Hahaha!" 04/07/08 - The Government Genie Flips a Coin
by The Mogambo Guru "If you think that a negative lease rate for gold is weird... You are a winner! You have won the chance to choose between the two Mogambo Doors Of Mystery (MDOM) and claim the fabulous prize that is waiting there for you!" 04/04/08 - A Crude Source of Welfare
by The Mogambo Guru "In short, apparently these countries need the price of oil to stay high to pay for their welfare expenses...which means that they will necessarily be raising oil prices again pretty soon..." 04/03/08 - Another Bar of Golden Idiots
by The Mogambo Guru "Well, then, you're an idiot, Frank! A big, stupid moron! In fact, all you stupid people in this bar are stupid, because you all think that you are not going to be destroyed by the fires of an inflationary hell..." 04/02/08 - Insane Economic News of the Day
by The Mogambo Guru "And as more Insane Economic News Of The Day (IENOTD), the Fed’s personal stash of U.S. government debt is down another gigantic $48 billion last week! $48 billion! In one week! One freaking week!" 04/01/08 - Financial Humor isn't Funny
by The Mogambo Guru "Mr. Dunkelberg is more direct, and says that people who depend on their little bits of interest that they make on their saved money (like the elderly) 'are being screwed by the Fed'" 03/31/08 - The Voyages of the Economic Enterprise
by The Mogambo Guru "Computer, research the economic history of the planet Earth and all the planets in this galaxy, and find any instance of a healthy economic boom that started after ‘the biggest orgy of speculation and debt creation’ the planet had ever seen!" 03/28/08 - Kids Go to Gold Camp
by The Mogambo Guru "How in the hell can the global glut of derivatives be 37 times as big as total, global GDP? Hell, just a yield of 0.1%, a tenth of a percent, would mean that $516 billion would be needed just to annually service the debt of that $516 trillion! Hahahaha!" 03/27/08 - The Great Silver Sell Out Caper
by The Mogambo Guru "I know that you think it is such a bargain that you cannot resist, and so I urge you to hurry, hurry, hurry to the Mogambo Silver Storage Service (MSSS), where our motto is, ‘Send us the money, then we’ll talk.’" 03/26/08 - Ingesting the Polluted Ocean of Commerce
by The Mogambo Guru "Now get this: Total reserves are $43 billion (about the same as it has been for more than a decade!), and out of that total, $17 billion of it is borrowed from the Fed! Hahahaha! We are so freaking doomed!" 03/25/08 - Inflationary Economy Causes Massive Coronary
by The Mogambo Guru "I am frantically pantomiming ‘dialing the telephone’ with the little mobility I have in my right arm, trying to get someone to call 911 to get me a little medical attention, and maybe save my life from the heart attack caused by such terrible news about inflation." 03/24/08 - Risk Management Addiction
by The Mogambo Guru "I sat the kids down and told them that gambling with every dime I can squeeze out of anything is not ‘gambling’ anymore; it is ‘risk management’, and it is now obvious that I am a modern kind of guy seeking to 'maximize risk-adjusted rates of return’!" 03/21/08 - Sadly Repeating Economic History
by The Mogambo Guru "And even if you COULD pay off everyone’s debts, to have another boom with the existing structure left intact would require the same degree of economic stupidity all over again! And nobody is that stupid. Are they?" 03/20/08 - Golden Codpiece Protection Strategy
by The Mogambo Guru "I was going to unveil the new product from Mogambo Dubious Enterprises (MDE), which was a codpiece for men, made from ingots of pure gold, which makes wealth not only portable, but also protective in so many other important ways..." 03/19/08 - A Bunch of Government Gobbledy-Gook
by The Mogambo Guru "I am happy to report that Mr. Williams kindly does respond to requests from subscribers, and is now introducing the SGS-Alternate Unemployment Rate, which sounds like a bunch of government gobbledy-gook, which it actually is..." 03/18/08 - Stepping Up the Spending Surveillance
by The Mogambo Guru "I note with alarm that with the index at 1293, everybody who bought the stocks of this index since the third quarter of 2006 has lost money! Hahaha! Nice investing, dudes!" 03/17/08 - Borrowing to Get a Better Bargain
by The Mogambo Guru "And what percent of each class felt like they were so far in debt that ‘they will never be able to get out’? Oops! Low income: 25 percent. Middle income: 14 percent. Upper income: 10 percent!" 03/14/08 - Bad News for Tax Revenues
by The Mogambo Guru "Losses on this kind of scale are the worst kind of bad news for tax revenues and those governments and recipients who depend on tax revenues, which rhymes so well that I am going to turn it into a Mogambo Hit Song (MHS)..." 03/13/08 - The Dinosaur Gold-Standard Economy
by The Mogambo Gugu "The dinosaurs had a monetary system based on gold, which explains why the historical record shows absolutely no inflation in prices during the entire Jurassic period, and anyone who says otherwise is a lying bag of crap." 03/12/08 - In Phony-Baloney Money We Trust?
by The Mogambo Guru "And the good news is that CD buyers are looking downright intelligent compared to the morons buying two-year notes, which have been bid up so high that they are nominally yielding less than 1.5%!" 03/11/08 - Golden Lifeboats Flee the Titanic
by The Mogambo Guru "Gold is essentially a rock! So why is it so valuable? Why do people always turn to gold at the end? The answer is that there is nothing else to take its place as a store of wealth that does not rot, corrode or disappear..." 03/10/08 - Bernanke Gets it Backwards
by The Mogambo Guru "The rise in retail prices is caused by...the Federal Reserve creating excessive amounts of money and credit. High prices, therefore, are the RESULT of the ridiculous excesses of the Federal Reserve, not the cause." 03/07/08 - An Apple a Day Will Kill You
by The Mogambo Guru "An apple a day may keep the doctor away, as the saying goes, but you had better not say that anymore, either, because Big Pharma has yet to invent a drug that emulates apples, either!" 03/06/08 - "It Makes Your Money Worthless - Guaranteed!"
by The Mogambo Guru "There is no known example, in the history of the world, where a fiat currency was debased in a wild fractional-reserve multiplication by the greedy banks that did NOT end badly. And 100% of the time is as close as you can get to ‘guaranteed’." 03/05/08 - Drunk With Absolute Purchasing Power
by The Mogambo Guru "So if people could buy oil with gold, the price would have been unchanged for 60 years! Wow! Now you see the beauty of gold as money; prices never change! Your purchasing power is absolute!" 03/04/08 - Gold Explosion in a Precious Metal Mine Field
by The Mogambo Guru "With an M3 money supply of about $12 trillion, this means that if gold rose to $46,153.00 per ounce, the entire money supply could be 100% backed by gold! We’d get back to the gold standard required by the Constitution!" 03/03/08 - A World Without Demand
by The Mogambo Guru "Oops! Without demand, supply overwhelms supply, and prices plummet, and without new derivative sales to finance the existing clot of derivatives, things go from bad to worse!" 02/29/08 - The Inevitable Doom of Inflation Targeting
by The Mogambo Guru "But price increases of such magnitude that they have never been seen before? And in the food business, which means that prices for food will rise faster (and probably higher) than at any time in history? Yikes!" 02/28/08 - Heads I Win, Tails I Break Even
by The Mogambo Guru "And the borrowers just saw a chance to benefit by the bank's stupidity, and they borrowed the money on the 'heads I win, tails I break even' chance that they could later sell at a profit or walk away." 02/27/08 - TFC Goes Down on the Upside
by The Mogambo Guru "But if TFC was plotted out on this mysterious logarithmic paper, the line on the graph would be sloping down, even though the line on the familiar linear graph of TFC would still be going up!" 02/26/08 - The Euro Only Commits Misdemeanors
by The Mogambo Guru "‘Only’ 15.6% inflation in prices! It’s like your stupid children getting arrested, and they brag all the way home about how they haven’t ever been charged with a felony, only misdemeanors, while their friends have all done hard time!" 02/25/08 - Nearly Perfect Data
by The Mogambo Guru "And for a little perspective, that $3.594 trillion in additional debt means that, at even 5% interest, the government is now paying out $180 billion a year, just in the additional interest payments on just this additional debt..." 02/22/08 - Economic Miseries Measured by the Second
by The Mogambo Guru "And if you wonder exactly what I mean by ‘doomed’, I will demonstrate by telling you that the video I am offering you is priced $499.99 today, but it will be $699.99 next year. You figure it out." 02/21/08 - 401-Keg Plan Matures in Britain
by The Mogambo Guru "Then I recall that the average retirement plan in America, like a 401(k), has somewhere between $25,000 and $60,000 in it, and I wonder how long that would last if one lousy chicken cost $15 million. Hahahaha!" 02/20/08 - Learning How to Spell "Inflationary Depression"
by The Mogambo Guru "Of course, now that actual reserves in the banks are (unbelievably) no longer required, financial corruption in the banks has now reached its zenith, as the banks are now totally free to create as much money as Ben Bernanke will let them..." 02/19/08 - "Everybody Hurts" - Inflation's Theme Song
by The Mogambo Guru "The apparently salubrious result is that the money is created out of thin air, and nobody has so much as a dime taken away from them, dorkface! In fact, everybody involved has the same or more money!" 02/18/08 - The Happy Mogambo Retirement Fund
by The Mogambo Guru "They only want to talk about how they found out that the 0.5% deduction in their paychecks for HMRF is actually the Happy Mogambo Retirement Fund (HMRF), which means that I am taking money out of their paychecks for my own use." 02/15/08 - The Deadly Quicksand of Deficit Spending
by The Mogambo Guru "It is then that the movie turns into a farce, as Ms. Pelosi is crying out, ‘Quick! Give him some more money!’ Hahahaha! Nice work, Ms. Pelosi! Groucho Marx would have been proud of us both!" 02/14/08 - Prehistoric Problems With Fiat Currency
by The Mogambo Guru "And it is made absolutely terrifying when you learn that all of the money that has been lost is, amazingly, borrowed and is still owed! Hahaha! This is the downside of having an economic system where debt creates money! Hahaha!" 02/13/08 - Saddled by Electronic Pixie Dust
by The Mogambo Guru "And it doesn’t take a real genius to see that higher costs for producers means they will have to charge higher prices, which means that when Brits buy something from now on, they will pay higher prices." 02/12/08 - Trillion Dollar Bush
by The Mogambo Guru "For me, it’s all about the money and how all of this spending will be accomplished by a brain-dead Federal Reserve creating the money out of thin air so that the government can borrow it, and how all of this money will drive the national debt up more..." 02/11/08 - Oil Crisis Rush Hour
by The Mogambo Guru "The dollar going down in purchasing power, which is the same as an increase in prices, has cost them 13% in one year, all thanks to the despicable Federal Reserve creating all that money and credit, so that the government could borrow it and spend it..." 02/08/08 - Enough of this Economic Claptrap
by The Mogambo Guru "Enough of this econometric claptrap crap! Lowering interest rates may send the stock of Mogambo Global Enterprises up, but the management (me) is still the same stupid embezzling halfwit who continually has us on the brink of disaster!" 02/07/08 - The Fresh But Ephemeral Hell of the U.S. Economy
by The Mogambo Guru "Not only have bank reserves not gone up in 10 years by so much as a dime, but the Treasury bonds that the Fed bought, by creating the money to buy them, are also disappearing! As Dorothy Parker so famously said, ‘What fresh hell is this?’" 02/06/08 - The Mogambo 'Big Budget' Movie Review
by The Mogambo Guru "Well, he couldn’t be more right about us spending ourselves to death, as the national debt is actually $9.1 trillion, already grown by $500 billion since he was interviewed for a movie so new that it just premiered! Hahaha!" 02/05/08 - Golden Prices from Decreased Production
by The Mogambo Guru "Ergo, the price of gold must equilibrate lower supply versus higher demand at a higher price! To those who own gold, or plan to own gold before things get kicked into high gear, this means, ‘Wheee!...’" 02/04/08 - Freaking Doomed by Doubling Power
by The Mogambo Guru "Hoping that they were wrong, because this rate of inflation would be horrendous, I went to Mr. William’s ShadowStats.com to find, sure enough, that inflation has taken a sudden spike to 12%, with no sign of stopping! Yikes!" 02/01/08 - A Million Millions
by The Mogambo Guru "The shock of the exclamation points, coupled with the revelation that the total losses are going to be at least 10 times as big as estimates project, temporarily revived me by jolting me into a Mindless Mogambo Episode Of Anger And Outrage (MMEOAAO)..." 01/31/08 - Candy Vs. Currency: A Debat on Value
by The Mogambo Guru "Hershey, 'the world's largest candy maker', has to raise its prices on a third of its chocolate candy by 13% because of the soaring prices of energy, milk and cocoa. And they are going to raise prices by 3% over Hershey's entire U.S. product line!" 01/30/08 - The Tragic Tale of the Last Fool in Line
by The Mogambo Guru "And the last guy, who may be otherwise known as the Last Fool In Line who bought at the exact top at the exact highest price, still has to find somebody to sell to at a profit, or the system goes into loss mode." 01/29/08 - An Indication the Economy is Lagging
by The Mogambo Guru "And, worse, the Lagging Indicator has been outdistancing both the Leading and Coincident indicators for months and months, too, indicating that costs are going up. And they were. And they are. And they will continue to do so." 01/28/08 - Bernanke's Magic Money Button
by The Mogambo Guru "Fortunately, I was heavily sedated and in a straightjacket at the time, tied to a chair as the minimum precautions to watching Federal Reserve chairmen appearing in public, especially in front of one clueless Congressional bunch of yahoos or another." 01/25/08 - Keynesian Quackery
by The Mogambo Guru "And now some piddly $150 billion is going to make a big difference in preventing the overdue bust at the end of the biggest boom the world has ever seen? Hahahaha! Stop! I'm laughing so hard my stomach hurts! Hahahaha! Stop! Stop! Hahahaha!" 01/24/08 - The Bank Robbing Effect of Financial Desperation
by The Mogambo Guru "The point is that not only is bank robbing 40% more popular by 40% than last year, but the FBI used to solve 75% of bank robberies in 2003, but only about half now." 01/23/08 - A Piddly $4.4 Billion 'Drop in the Bucket'
by The Mogambo Guru "OF COURSE $4.4 billion is not enough! The economic system and the players in it have to absorb trillions of dollars of current and future losses! A piddly $4.4 billion? Hahahaha! Talk about your proverbial ‘drop in the bucket’! Hahaha!" 01/22/08 - Avoiding Reponsibility
by The Mogambo Guru "And let’s not forget that this lying lowlife loser, St. Louis Federal Reserve President William Poole, is a guy about whom Marketwatch.com reports, ‘Last year, he voted in favor of all the FOMC’s rate cuts’! Hahaha! What a creepy little worm!" 01/21/08 - Oil Battles Gold for Investment Supremacy
by The Mogambo Guru "Naturally, even a bonehead like me knows that a one percent chance is not very good, and I saw that my chances of him coming across with that cool thousand bucks was now slipping away." 01/18/08 - The Golden Commodity Compass
by The Mogambo Guru "You will be glad to know that we have given up slaughtering American natives, although we keep our skills up by killing thousands of natives in OTHER countries, but we don’t do it for gold. Nowadays, we do it for money and oil." 01/17/08 - The Futility of the Economic Weatherman
by The Mogambo Guru "Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke has no such qualms about shame, and said he is ready to take “substantive additional action”, which the media and markets took as saying, ‘Rates are going down, dudes!’" 01/16/08 - Let Gold Yell For You
by The Mogambo Guru "And what the chart shows, but nobody is saying, is that it wasn’t until 1960 that the Dow high, again rose high enough to equal the very peak in 1929. ‘Investing for the long term’! Hahaha!" 01/15/08 - Stealing Metaphors for Excess Money
by The Mogambo Guru "So, if inflation in prices is not caused by a depreciating dollar or monetary policy, then Mr. Central Bank Governor Sultan Bin Nasser al-Suwaidi better find out what in the hell is causing it, and pronto!" 01/14/08 - Free Money to the Rescue
by The Mogambo Guru "And when that government check hits my mailbox, brother, I’ll show you exactly how giving people free money stimulates spending! Whee! Insanity in economics is fun! And it will be ironically profitable if you use the money to buy gold! Whee!" 01/11/08 - Gold in the Time of Economic Cholera
by The Mogambo Guru "As a pedagogical aside, the use of the rare “double exclamation point”, indicating extreme importance and used to appropriately punctuate the horror of 50.1% annual inflation in food, is considered (in some circles) to be redundant." 01/10/08 - Incredible Inedible Ethanol
by The Mogambo Guru "An entire third of the grain output of the American farm system will disappear from the world’s food supply? On top of the terrifying increases in prices we are already seeing? Yow! We are totally, totally, totally freaking screwed!" 01/09/08 - Free Money is Surprisingly Popular
by The Mogambo Guru "Not surprisingly, ‘The Fed announcement indicated that the auction process it began last month has been successful in providing a source of loans for cash-strapped banks.’ Hahaha! Free money is popular? Hahaha! Who knew? Hahaha! Popular?" 01/08/08 - "Will Work for Taxes"
by The Mogambo Guru "Instead of the town saying, ‘Oh, my God! What kind of ravenous vampires have we become?’ and lowering their...damned taxes, ‘The town is pushing a program that would let seniors work part-time...to help pay off some of their property taxes.’" 01/07/08 - The Cornered Rat Defense of Inflationary Collapse
by The Mogambo Guru "You gotta admit; it seems to be a compelling argument; the money supply will fall as loans go bad, which means consumer prices will fall. And with loans going bad, nobody is going to either make a loan or take one, and so the money supply will not grow." 01/04/08 - The Increase of Deadweight Losses
by The Mogambo Guru "The beauty of a gold-as-money economic system is that inflation in prices is all but impossible under a gold standard under normal conditions with a restrained banking system, and...ruinous inflation is inevitable under a fiat currency standard." 01/03/08 - Solid Gold Silver Surge
by The Mogambo Guru "And if you think that silver could go to its rough 15-to-1 long-term ratio to gold, then a $1,200 per ounce gold price would mean an $80 per ounce silver! Wow! The stuff is selling for 15 bucks right now!" 01/02/08 - Well Worth the 20 Bucks
by The Mogambo Guru "Now you know just a teensy, weensy part of the reason why the Fed is creating so much money and credit; they have to, just to pay the interest on the debt! All of which will turn into, I am sorry to say, inflation in prices." 12/31/07 - Paying More for Less Beer
by The Mogambo Guru "And don’t look at me with that incredulous look on your face! I mean, the average stockholder and the average bondholder have been continuously losing money for years and years! They don’t raise a stink because they don’t know it..." 12/28/07 - The Santa Cigarettes Caper
by The Mogambo Guru "Naturally, I want to know if Mr. LaRouche smokes or not, and maybe get an ally in this issue I call The Santa Cigarettes Caper, someone to watch my back against my wife and the stupid kids..." 12/27/07 - Gold Obsession Based on Money Creation
by The Mogambo Guru "And an epic scale in the creation of money and credit...means inflation in consumer prices of an equally epic scale!...That is why I am so freaked out, and why I am always saying, ‘We’re freaking doomed!’ and why I am obsessed with guns and gold..." 12/26/07 - Optimism in the Face of Inflation
by The Mogambo Guru "…everyone is in apparent agreement that…like heroic armored knights on horseback saving damsels in distress by slaying dragons, the central banks must arrange irresponsible, insane infusions of infinite credit and money!" 12/21/07 - Cashiers Responsible for Inflation
by The Mogambo Guru "I paused and waited for her to think I was done yelling. She tentatively swept a can of creamed corn over the scanner, the buzzer went ‘beep’, and I could see her relax as she worked her way back into the routine. That’s when I pounced!" 12/20/07 - Consuming Less Confident Food Prices
by The Mogambo Guru "Well, the kids didn’t like that news any better when it comes from official government sources, but at least they weren’t rolling their eyes and making rude remarks about what a crappy father I am, which was nice for a change!" 12/19/07 - To Negative Infinity - And Beyond
by The Mogambo Guru "In short, the banks loaned every additional dime of the trillions of dollars that they took in! And then more on top of that! No additional reserves at all! Not a freaking additional dime of reserves has been added in a decade or more!" 12/18/07 - Economics Ain't Pretty
by The Mogambo Guru "Anyway, prices going up is why it looks like factory orders increased, and is the reason why I am gagging up blood, and if any of it gets on your shoes, don’t come running to me because I never said that economics was pretty." 12/17/07 - Fictitious Beneficial Inflation
by The Mogambo Guru "Let me get this straight; grumpy Russians, in the midst of a gloomy winter, are experiencing inflation in food prices of 1.2% in a month? And prices are up 10% in the last 49 weeks, meaning that prices are still rising like a rocket? Yikes!" 12/14/07 - The Thin Mogambo
by The Mogambo Guru "But the reality is that that this magnificent 600% return was over the last seven years, and the Lipper Mutual Fund Performance Index now has gold-oriented funds being up 23% this year alone!" 12/13/07 - An Economic Law of Physics
by The Mogambo Guru "So I am looking at this Big, Big Problem (BBP)...when I was saved by a little-known Law Of Physics: ‘If at any time you find yourself doing a transfinite amount of work, the answer can be obtained by inspection.’ 12/12/07 - Debt Crushes the Earth
by The Mogambo Guru "But that 'the Earth will be destroyed' is still a good bet, as the staggering incompetence of the Federal Reserve created the crushing debt that is owed by every economic entity in the whole country, dozens of times over." 12/11/07 - Living the Nightmare of Hamiltonian Economics
by The Mogambo Guru "We have finally overruled the Jeffersonian Republic that made America into the world power that it became, in favor of that Hamiltonian nightmare of a huge, powerful, dictatorial, fascist federal government..." 12/10/07 - Subprimed to Lose Lots of Money
by The Mogambo Guru "So, after the last of the money is finally spent on taxes, that $6.6 billion reduction in tax revenue actually means somewhere between five and eight times as much will be ‘lost income’ and lost taxes!" 12/07/07 - Weak Dollar Induces a Dream World
by The Mogambo Guru "Hahaha! The Cold, Cruel Laughter Of The Mogambo (CCLOTM) is mocking and scornful at the stupidity of people still buying into that stupid ‘buy and hold’, ‘investing for the long term’ crap! Hahaha!" 12/06/07 - Bulls for Bullion
by The Mogambo Guru "If you want something else to show you that people are starting to get smart about owning gold and how this new demand is overwhelming the manipulation of gold by the Fed and the bullion banks, then a report from GATA.org is just the thing you need." 12/05/07 - Lost in the Wage-Price Spiral
by The Mogambo Guru "So what is the next step in a wage-price spiral? 'The country's 1.3 million-member civil-servants union has announced that it will look for a pay raise of 6% to 7% in 2008.' Hahahaha! Here we go again!" 12/04/07 - The Shock of a Thousand Trillions
by The Mogambo Guru "So imagine my horror when I learned that there was no error! We are talking about a quadrillion freaking dollars! Instantly I knew that she was doing that on purpose to give me a heart attack!" 12/03/07 - Traumatized By Inflationary Gunfire
by The Mogambo Guru "But for businesses, the prices they are paying keep going up, as the annual All-Items PPI inflation for October spiked to a 6.1% jump over this time last year. Food increased 7.1%, and Energy was up16.1%. Yikes!" 11/30/07 - Just Desserts Aren't So Absurd
by The Mogambo Guru "Getting one’s just desserts is an ‘absurd situation’? Hahaha! But then again, it’s perfect French stupidity and perfect ECB stupidity! No wonder he got the job!" 11/29/07 - Commodities Benefit from Megaforces
by The Mogambo Guru "I can see the comparison would have been inappropriate because these are not merely forces he is talking about, but megaforces, like some huge, murderous juggernaut viciously stomping across the economic landscape..." 11/28/07 - The Cold Comfort of Economic Collapse
by The Mogambo Guru "My God! The entire Gross Domestic Product of the United States...is only about $14 trillion! So we are talking about losing, at a stroke, the equivalent of 26% of everything we make in an entire year? Yow!" 11/27/07 - Who's Afraid of Low Inflation?
by The Mogambo Guru "This is the most asinine and thoroughly ridiculous thing I have ever heard! In all my years of studying economics and rigorously defending my theories…I have never heard of such a thing as a 'danger of low inflation'…" 11/26/07 - Never Enough Gold Jewelry
by The Mogambo Guru "It was then that I wished if I knew of any time in my whole freaking life when some woman ever said to me, 'Don't buy me any more jewelry! Buy gold bullion as an investment, instead!' And I laughed." 11/23/07 - Economic Hell to Pay
by The Mogambo Guru "Like me getting drunk and surly, and then thinking that getting me drunker makes me more convivial. It does. For awhile. A very short while. And then, like in economics, there is hell to pay. With vomit, usually." 11/22/07 - Debt-Ridden Tooth Fairy
by The Mogambo Guru "I am sitting across the breakfast table from my surly son, and he has just concluded his daily ritual of asking me to give him some money for some stupid reason or another, like today, when he’s whining about how his stupid abscessed tooth is now so painful that it can’t wait a few more lousy days until, you know, my cash flow gets back in its 'groove'." 11/21/07 - Excess Dollars for Burgers and Falafels
by The Mogambo Guru "Taking up an Uzi in my trembling hand, I am suddenly brave and bold enough to bellow, ‘What in the hell is going on here? Inflation in prices is freaking roaring all around us, and yet there is no panic? This is the stuff of nightmares!’" 11/20/07 - Twilight Zone Buying Power
by The Mogambo Guru "It’s a frightening Twilight Zone moment when you realize that you started with $500,000 in buying power, and you ended up with, after waiting five long years, with only $439,700 in buying power!" 11/19/07 - More than "Sheets" Hitting the Fan
by The Mogambo Guru "This means that almost a third of my money is sucked away by the guys doing a lousy job of managing my money, and then another chunk will be taken from me in taxes by a government doing a lousy job of governing? Yow!" 11/16/07 - Franken Berry Needs an Inflation-Free Diet
by The Mogambo Guru "What is the sound of one hand clapping while the other hand reaches for a box of breakfast cereal and then having to pay more for it in dollars-per-ounce, which means having less money for everything else including going to a bar and getting hammered…" 11/15/07 - A Pause for Revolutionary Shivers
by The Mogambo Guru "So the end result is that imported goods cost more and domestically-produced goods cost more. Everything costs more! Hahaha! Fabulous work, Federal Reserve morons! Hahaha! Thanks for nothing!" 11/14/07 - The Dark Side of the Mogambo
by The Mogambo Guru "Since this is one of my favorite harangues, you can imagine the look of horror on their faces as they see me licking my chops in anticipation. They quickly head me off and hurriedly interject the invitation, 'Let's recap.'" 11/13/07 - Cash and the Commodity Craze
by The Mogambo Guru "Look at me! I am suddenly in the trigger swap business! I get to charge you a fee to float a dollar's worth of bonds backed up by a dollar's worth of your own money? Hahaha! And there are investors who will voluntarily do this? Hahahaha! What a racket!" 11/12/07 - Criminally Irresponsible Deficit Spending
by The Mogambo Guru "My God! I put up ten bucks to borrow a hundred with which to buy this debt, and now I am down by 50%? I have lost five times as much money as I put up! My God! My prostate involuntarily quivers in shock, proving that there is life in the old boy yet!" 11/09/07 - Spending More and Getting Less Drunk
by The Mogambo Guru "‘Are you stupid because you are hateful, or are you hateful because you are stupid?’ It’s six of one and a half dozen of the other, I figure, but either way, gold is perfect for me because even stupid guys like me can buy it and prosper..." 11/08/07 - More Generous Inflation Protection
by The Mogambo Guru "But current retirees can relax, as ‘The lower inflation-proofing would only apply to future entitlements. Past entitlement would continue to enjoy the more generous inflation protection.’ Hahaha! ‘More generous’!" 11/07/07 - GDP Math Problems
by The Mogambo Guru "At first, I thought that he was insulting me by expecting me to believe such stupidity – that price inflation would fall because oil went up in price, but he holds up the actual news article from MarketWatch.com, which confirms..." 11/06/07 - Caught Red Handed Killing the Dollar
by The Mogambo Guru "So Mr. Mishkin joins Alan Greenspan, running around saying, 'It's not my fault! It's not my fault!', when the whole world spent all that time watching him and the Fed bludgeoning the dollar, then standing over the prostrate, bloody body of the dollar, holding the murder weapon in his hands!" 11/05/07 - The Dinner Roll Model of Yale Economics
by The Mogambo Guru "Mitigation? I read this, and then I look at how Mr. Shiller is a 'famous Yale university economist', and I think to myself that famous or not, Yale or not, this is a pretty stupid thing to say…" 11/02/07 - Gold Flavored Napoleon Complex
by The Mogambo Guru "I read somewhere that the money supply in China is growing at 20%, which proves that the Chinese government is every bit as stupid as everybody else's governments, in that they allow…the money supply to grow at such a horrendously appalling rate." 11/01/07 - The Ticking of the Oil Clock
by The Mogambo Guru "Oil prices will be rising higher and higher with every tick of the clock, higher and higher, month after month and year after year, until sometime after you get old and die, and then it won't matter anymore, anyway." 10/31/07 - Painted Rock Predicts the Dollar Index
by The Mogambo Guru "Those of you who comprehend economics will understand why this made my blood congeal in my veins, and the reason why he goes from the falling dollar to a call to action, namely 'Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to defend yourselves.'" 10/30/07 - Drowning in Inflation is Never Popular
by The Mogambo Guru "And if the yuan is 40% undervalued…this means that if oil were to miraculously stay at $80 a barrel while the yuan strengthens by 40% against the dollar, then the price of imported oil will go down for the Chinese by 40%!" 10/29/07 - The Tequila Model of Exponential Growth
by The Mogambo Guru "As a guy who has been married and a father for a long time, and as a guy who has seen everything get continuously worse, I'm kind of getting freaked out here because 'continually worse' is a nightmare from which you never awake!" 10/26/07 - The Sole Inflation Creator
by The Mogambo Guru "I am beside myself in anger! If it had not been for the damnable Federal Reserve, we would all have a rising standard of living, as prices would be declining in line with productivity increases!" 10/25/07 - The Tremors of Economic Calamity
by The Mogambo Guru "What this…little putz of a 'journalist' doesn't understand is that the central banks are not a success, but are a gigantic failure, and they fooled everyone for a few years with their new calculations ('lying with statistics') of inflation in prices…" 10/24/07 - Gunning Down Money Creation
by The Mogambo Guru "So imagine my surprise to hear them yelling at each other 'Damn it! He almost shot me! What in the hell is that Stupid Lunatic Mogambo (SLM) doing now? He's going to kill us all with those stupid guns of his!'" 10/23/07 - Cheaper to Freeze to Death
by The Mogambo Guru "And the inflation news just keeps getting worse, as we had a 4.4% y-o-y increase in the Producer Price Index in September. And yet people wonder why I am in here puking into the toilet and cursing the Federal Reserve while I do it. Ugh." 10/22/07 - The Red Herring of Dollar Decline
by The Mogambo Guru "Secretly, I have to laugh, because all this time I thought it was because my wife and kids were stealing me blind, and I have been making their lives into a living hell for it! Hahaha! I guess the joke's on me!" 10/19/07 - 'Paltry' is a Laughable Distinction
by The Mogambo Guru "A bank loans some underpaid loser too much money to buy too much house, on which the bank will make some minimal profit even if he manages to pay the mortgage, and now the government wants the bank to take a loss to bail him out? Hahaha!" 10/18/07 - Werewolves of Inflation
by The Mogambo Guru "The government simply budgeted more borrowing...and so the budget deficit appears lower on paper, even though they borrowed and spent more than they budgeted! At that ugly news, I found my hands clenching into Powerful Mogambo Fists Of Outrage (PMFOO)!" 10/17/07 - Inflation is Scarier than Skimpy Pizza
by The Mogambo Guru "No more! Please! No more bad news about price inflation, the one thing to be feared above all things, except maybe skimpy pizza! But almost as bad!" 10/16/07 - Trading Your Paycheck for a Coin Purse
by The Mogambo Guru "The damned government has now ruined the money so badly that the little bit of metal in the old coins is now worth more than the face value of the coin, but the government can't wiggle out of paying for their sins by letting people not pay…taxes!" 10/15/07 - Jobs Fight to the Death
by The Mogambo Guru "My British sense of bathroom humor rises to the fore and I shout out, ‘854,000 barrels of liquids? Hell, I probably pee that much every night, as I have to get up about every two hours to go to the damned bathroom! Hahaha!’" 10/12/07 - The Mogambo Theory of Currency Relativity
by The Mogambo Guru "I bring this up because the Nobel Prize for economics is coming out this week, and I sure could use the huge wad of cash that comes with the Prize, and I finally deserve it this year, as I have just neatly connected Einstein's Relativity with money!" 10/11/07 - Dollar Bears Unite
by The Mogambo Guru "I was trying to wrap my three remaining functioning cranial neurons around this seeming paradox when I discovered that he was just toying with me! Teasing the poor mental defective cripple like the big bully he is!" 10/10/07 - Did He Say, "Tighter Monetary Policy"?
by The Mogambo Guru "So it looks like about $15.4 trillion in bank assets and liabilities is being backed up by a minuscule $40.2 billion! That’s a microscopic 0.0026%. A quarter of 1%! Hahahaha! Fractional reserve banking at its finest! Hahahaha!" 10/09/07 - Gold Hoarding Greedy Pigs
by The Mogambo Guru "The majority must always be wrong! Therefore, it is crucial that they remain clueless at this stage of the coming gold, silver, oil and commodities boom, while the Wily, Scheming, Greedy Pigs (WSGP) of us buy gold, silver and oil at bargain rates!" 10/08/07 - The Rodney Dangerfield of Commodities
by The Mogambo Guru "As for the apparent disrespect for silver, it’s the vector you get from history...and the suspicion that comes from an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in a corrupt, stinking, filthy Comex/Nynex/government mess, so that now we are freaking doomed." 10/05/07 - Take My Buying Power...Please
by The Mogambo Guru "And all of this money was created so that the American government could slide into the stinking swamp of communism, as over one-half (the majority) of Americans get their income from government..." 10/04/07 - Oil Produces Expensive Caesar Salad
by The Mogambo Guru "Then, last Thursday, I was pretty well ‘adjusted’ and could barely hold my head up off the bar, when... Wham! The oil future shot up over $2.79 to $83.09! Hahaha! I was right! Absolutely correct, from an investment perspective..." 10/03/07 - A Potent Inflationary Cocktail
by The Mogambo Guru "But incompetence and inflation is what a central bank is all about! According to the Inflation Calculator, it takes $21 in 2007 dollars to buy the same stuff that $1 would have bought in 1913 when the monstrous Federal Reserve was created!" 10/02/07 - Demand Sacrifices Quality Packaging
by The Mogambo Guru "This, then, is how the rich get richer! And the poor get poorer because they are the ones paying the 'silent tax' of higher prices (inflation in prices) caused by the inflation in the money supply, which was created to buy the bonds in the first place!" 10/01/07 - The Not-So-Tragic Tale of Dollar/Oil Disparity
by The Mogambo Guru "Oil exporters don't want dollars, see? They want units of buying power that they can use right now (like ordering some pizza and liquid refreshments for everybody), or to use in the future..." 09/28/07 - The Indeflating Sub-Feral Government
by The Mogambo Guru "I took the box of porn and pizza mess and put it all over the office of my assistant, and HE got canned when I fired him! You should have heard him scream about how he was innocent! Hahahaha!" 09/27/07 - Educating Morons About the Margin
by The Mogambo Guru "If a billion bonds sold all day at $10 apiece, but the last (1,000,000,001th) bond of the day sold at $11, all the rest of that whole billion bonds are, now, also ‘worth’ $11! Hahaha! It’s all happening at the margin!" 09/26/07 - Investors Sheared by Sharp Dealers
by The Mogambo Guru "The Big, Big, Bad, Bad, Big Bad News (BBBBBBN) was that the indicator of inflation and burdens (the Lagging Indicator) had (again!) the biggest rise, rising to 129.4 from 129.0!! Inflation is rising faster than anything! Again!" 09/25/07 - Inflation Leads to Bigger Bullet Biting
by The Mogambo Guru "And I know that you are just a stupid receptionist, but even you have to realize that each time you do that, the bullet gets bigger and bigger, and pretty soon you are having to chomp down on a bullet as big as a freaking cannon shell!" 09/24/07 - The Economic Boffo Comic
by The Mogambo Guru "We are also setting records in sheer, slimy corruption, as the limit on that debt (as last set by Congress), was only $8.965 trillion, and is now overspent by Congress (except Ron Paul) and they are all pretending not to notice! What absolute dirtbags!" 09/21/07 - Silver and Gold Salvation
by The Mogambo Guru "Suddenly, my heart jumped into overdrive, and I felt a cold chill that could only mean that I did not have enough silver stashed away, and leapt up to go out and get some more..." 09/20/07 - The Sound of One-Way Betting
by The Mogambo Guru "Naturally, I am confused, and my mind is whirling at the concept of 'the one-way bet', because I have never actually seen any real 'one-way bets', and so this sounds suspiciously like the old Zen classic, 'What is the sound of one hand clapping?'" 09/19/07 - The Pinecone Currency of Camptown
by The Mogambo Guru "'Even kids playing a simple game can show us the ways of inflation. Monetary inflation begets price inflation. Pinecones or your favorite paper currency, the fate will be the same.'" 09/18/07 - Welcoming the End of the World
by The Mogambo Guru "Higher prices in winter?...‘Sounds miserable,’ I think to myself, ‘but not the end of the world!’ This was...contradicted by Doug Casey... He writes, ‘Let me cover the big picture. I do think we’re approaching the end of the world as we know it.’ Haha!" 09/17/07 - The Wages of Economic Stupidity
by The Mogambo Guru "I rudely barged ahead by saying, ‘What we are going to learn is that the “wages of sin” may be death, as the Biblical saying goes, but the “wages of economic stupidity” are where actually dying is taking the easy way out’" 09/14/07 - A Peek at the Peak Oil Problem
by The Mogambo Guru "Originally, I had wanted to animate my little PowerPoint presentation to show the cumulative long-term effects of peak oil, meaning that the amount of oil pumped out of the ground will be going down, faster and faster..." 09/13/07 - Money Won't Supply Your Soup Spoon
by The Mogambo Guru "And the effects of the Fed ‘considering the broad economic effects’ is going to be equally as bad, which brings up the perennial question ‘And just what in the hell is that supposed to mean?’" 09/12/07 - Dollar Index Can't Flex it's Puny Muscels
by The Mogambo Guru "Now the poor old buck has broken the 80 level on the dollar index, a...milestone of sorts, as there are rumored to be lots...of big bets using that level as the dividing line between breaking even and getting killed by the exchange rate of the dollar." 09/11/07 - Toying Around with Toxic Exports
by The Mogambo Guru "As far as I am concerned; things bought from China will cost more, and things that we will be importing from other places will cost more, too, because of all the new demand made possible with more Chinese money." 09/10/07 - Remembering Richebächer
by The Mogambo Guru "Dr. Kurt Richebächer, a legendary luminary in the Austrian school of economics vein, has, I am very sorry to say, died. I will miss him, although I never met him, but I have always been very impressed with him, and what he thought, and what he wrote." 09/07/07 - Subprime Meltdown Finally Affects Beer Drinkers
by The Mogambo Guru "There are probably a lot of theories why St. Pete customers aren't going to restaurants to swill beer like they used to...sales may be down because 'people are consuming at home' because of 'declining real estate values'..." 09/06/07 - Know Your Gold
by The Mogambo Guru "Analysis of the data from these Mogambo Research Associates (MRA) forays into the field has shown that test subjects readily and consistently reveal that they don't know anything about gold…" 09/05/07 - Inflation Attacks the News Stand
by The Mogambo Guru "No, the particular thing that set me off in a rage was that she said Barron’s rose in price from $4 an issue to $5! A 25% jump! Overnight! Naturally I assumed that the stupid cashier deliberately overcharged me, the little vicious brat..." 09/04/07 - The Mogambo Money Making Book Club
by The Mogambo Guru "A single insight! One! One thing to learn! 'This insight,' adds Mr. Wiggin tantalizingly, 'is what you will find described in this remarkable new book.' One thing to learn! I love this book already!" 09/03/07 - Ups and Downs in an Economic Black Hole
by The Mogambo Guru "Infinite variance! I damn near choked on my burrito at the very concept! Infinite variance! What in the hell could this possibly mean? In my Tiny Mogambo Mind (TMM), I see bell curves suddenly appearing out of nowhere..." 08/31/07 - Voodoo, Fraud, and Economic Fairy Dust
by The Mogambo Guru "Wow! Instantly I thought, 'It's like magic! So what are these wonderful Level 3 gains? And can I get some, too? And can I get enough to bail my sorry butt out of the mess I have gotten myself into before next Tuesday at 4:00 PM?'" 08/30/07 - The Magical Adjustable Money Supply
by The Mogambo Guru "This means that the rise in the money supply, which is being caused by insane levels of borrowing and consumer price inflation of 10%, is made to magically disappear as inflation and then happily reappear as healthy ‘growth’..." 08/29/07 - Economic System Goes Down The Big Crapper
by The Mogambo Guru "To be as senselessly rude as I could, I sent them all congratulatory telegrams, (‘Dear Buttheads, Congratulations on killing America before any of our many, many other enemies did! Hahahaha! Sincerely, The Mogambo’)." 08/28/07 - Drug Induced Inflation Allowance
by The Mogambo Guru "What could possess us to allow the Fed and the Congress (except Ron Paul) do this to us?…I think we are, collectively, so bereft of common sense because we are all so stoned-out on a gigantic cornucopia of prescription tranquilizing drugs..." 08/27/07 - Down to the Last Grain
by The Mogambo Guru "Well, I don’t have to ask about price inflation in the USA, as John Williams of ShadowStats.com has just released his latest reports, and he says that inflation is running at 10.1%. Yow! We’re freaking doomed!" 08/24/07 - Economic Enemy #1
by The Mogambo Guru "Alan Greenspan is guilty, guilty, guilty of letting the banks create all that excess money and credit, which distorted the hell out of the mal-invested economy and caused crippling inflation in the prices of everything..." 08/23/07 - Unlawful Economic Stupidity
by The Mogambo Guru "As evidence of that surprising 'economic laws don't apply here' statement…almost $500 trillion in financial derivatives exist…and the number of derivatives 'is increasing at the rate of 40 percent per annum.'" 08/22/07 - Debt-Sized Wake Up Call
by The Mogambo Guru "Daydreams of hot, luscious pizza loaded with yummy pork products flew from my head when I read that Total Fed Credit shot up an astounding $17.2 billion last week! Huge!" 08/21/07 - Liquidity Can't Solve Insolvency
by The Mogambo Guru "The big, big problem with the whole subprime/CDO/Armageddon market thing is that while the values on these assets can go down, the debts incurred to buy the assets don't." 08/20/07 - The One Quintillion Pengo Note
by The Mogambo Guru "And, since we all seem to be talking ‘all China, all the time’, China’s latest reading of inflation went up again, to 5.5%! Hahaha! Welcome to inflation hell, you Chinese morons!" 08/17/07 - Two Days to Make $300 Billion, Part II
by The Mogambo Guru "And what in the hell happened to the gold lease rate? It's going berserk! And who in the hell is buying dollars to keep the dollar index above 80, and why?" 08/16/07 - Two Days to Make $300 Billion, Part I
by The Mogambo Guru "$300 billion is...a Big Freaking Lot (BFL) of money, being almost a third of a trillion dollars in two days...or being roughly $50 in cash for every man, woman and child on the entire freaking planet in two days!" 08/15/07 - Laughing in the Face of Fiscal Annihilation
by The Mogambo Guru "But although we are all in a good mood now, there is nothing funny about the current collapse of the mortgage derivatives mess that the damned banks got us into..." 08/13/07 - Voodoo Bell Curve Curses the Fed
by The Mogambo Guru "...the Fed is doomed to fail, due not by my hating them so much and my putting a voodoo curse on them all, but on its total reliance on the bell curve and probability theory..." 08/10/07 - Black Swans Swept Away By Rogue Waves
by The Mogambo Guru "If you look up ‘expert problem’ in the index, it tells you to ‘see empty suit problem’, which tells you everything you need to know without looking anything up, which is real handy!" 08/09/07 - SEC You Later Mortgage Defaults
by The Mogambo Guru "One of the things that is keeping the stock market alive is the same reason why China is trying to shore up its banks; to address the ugly fact that inflation in China has risen to 4.4%...above the government’s ‘3% target’" 08/08/07 - Misdiagnosed Economic Insanity
by The Mogambo Guru "The last thing I remember before blanking out is that this totals to about 80% of GDP! Or more! And even now I still feel kind of woozy about it! Losses suddenly totaling 80% of GDP? Yow!" 08/01/07 - Negative Inflation: Courtesy of Coke Chocula
by The Mogambo Guru "With the ‘substitution effect’ in play, we can then assume that the Fed will say that all consumers would try to escape higher prices in other foodstuffs by switching to breakfast cereals (which still cost the same in ‘dollars per box’), which in turn would be substituted by cocaine (which went down in price), driving overall inflation in food to less than zero!" 07/30/07 - Being Fed Bigger Bread Prices
by The Mogambo Guru "Right now, price of just about everything is going up - especially prices of food and oil. This week, the Mogambo Guru explains why this increase in prices, when coupled with increasingly crushing debt, can have serious consequences with regard to your weekly diet - unless you're on Atkins. Read on…" 07/23/07 - Prices Benefit from Spooked Shorts
by The Mogambo Guru "This week, The Mogambo looks at the stock market, and upon hearing about margin debt, consequently chokes on his own tongue. Fortunately, he is able to compose himself, and give yet another rant on the insane creation of money and credit by the Fed. Read on..." 07/16/07 - No More Wind in Existing Home Sails
by The Mogambo Guru "This week, the Mogambo grabs a calculator instead of an Uzi, and calculates a terrible truth about the mortgage market - all the while sadly pushing one economist to the brink of madness. Read on..." 07/09/07 - When Good Money Goes Bad
by The Mogambo Guru "Inflation is roundly regarded as an economic evil - a danger zone that is to be avoided at all costs. Why then, are governments around the world knowingly venturing into this financial "no man's land" by constantly printing valueless paper money? As the Mogambo explains, this is nothing short of insanity. Read on..." 07/02/07 - The "Art" of Devaluing Money
by The Mogambo Guru "Printing money must be as fun as riding a roller coaster - because the Fed keeps getting in line to do it over again. Of course, it’s only a matter of time before someone loses his lunch, and as the Mogambo Guru explains, the U.S. dollar has already got a little bile in its throat. Read on..." 06/25/07 - Planetary Super Bargain
by The Mogambo Guru "In the midst of such serious financial times, there are only two words you need to remember: Mogambo and gold. These are the only two things that can save you from the inevitable collapse of a worldwide asset boom of catastrophic proportions. Read on..." 06/18/07 - Oil Shys Away from Detrimental Dollar
by The Mogambo Guru "It is a sad fact to face, but the dollar’s buying power is decreasing as the global demand for oil is increasing. And so we turn to the Mogambo - hiding in his ultra-fortified bunker - for a full assessment of how “Freaking Doomed!” we really are. Read on..." 06/11/07 - Worth Your Minimum Wage in Gold
by The Mogambo Guru "The recent minimum wage increase is the most shameful achievement of any Congress in the last forty years. So sayeth The Mogambo in his three fold argument for why this “achievement” is yet one more nail in the U.S. dollar’s coffin. Read on... 06/04/07 - A Mouthful of Price Inflation
by The Mogambo Guru "There are certain topics regarding today's markets that are constantly talked about by investors and analysts alike. Among them are China, the usefulness of commodities, and dollar strength. However, there is only one who can discuss them while eating a double-grande burrito supreme. Read on…" 05/28/07 - Fighting Off Cynics With Golden Gloves
by The Mogambo Guru "Given the rather direct ton | 
The Mogambo Guru Lives!